I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
