she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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