There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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