Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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