This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
