i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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