He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
