I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize