matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
