i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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