girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I looked at my own cervix.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
