The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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