i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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