I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
