I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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