she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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