make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
