Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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