wat bout pragnant strippers??
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
