I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this just has baby written all over it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
