Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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