could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize