Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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