She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sobbing to NWA
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
