Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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