school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
