I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
