Will you blow on my dice?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
