Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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