toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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