Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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