I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
