Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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