Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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