My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
