What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
