haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
