I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
