shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
