That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
