She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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