His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
