I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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