he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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