listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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