Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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