Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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