i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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