i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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