Do you still have your period?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am one with the molecules
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
