Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
