Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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