pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
