how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
