I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
