Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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