When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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