Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
