yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize