my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
