Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
