What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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