Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
