Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
