Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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